Sunday, May 12, 2013

Keep Calm and TRUST GOD

So I've reached this point in my life where I thought EVERYTHING was going exactly how it should be. It wasn't perfect but it was in all of its ways comfortable and satisfying. Just two years prior my world was torn to pieces--shattered by a nasty, unexpected divorce between my mother and her ex-husband, a break-up with a guy I had been dating for almost a year and a lay-off from my job. Things couldn't have been worse and I went into a deep depression. These things brought me to my knees and to God. Now here I am...almost two years later where my world has been shook again and I'm at another set of crossroads.  Do you ever wonder..."God, can I have calmness for just a little bit?"  "Can't I just CHILL?"  But God says "no".  He doesn't want us to get comfortable, he doesn't want us to settle.  He wants us to MOVE.

(Taken at the Covenant Church Women's Flourish Conference 2013 
Photo Credit: Leah Frazier)

So now here I am.  My job that looked so promising before is now on the fence.  I had plans of moving up the ladder to being a managing attorney and maybe even one day partner! We laid off 70+ people a month ago... and by the grace of God, I survived. What to do? So I came to the women's conference this year at church hungry. Hungry for answers and starving for clarity. Just weeks before I had asked God after the recent earthquake of layoffs, what is it that YOU would have me do? God answered immediately and simply, "Move to California and start your own law practice."

"May He grant you according to your heart's desire, and fulfill all you purpose." ~Psalm 20:4~

Of course I'm like, "Nah...maybe I heard you wrong."  There is NO way, that I can afford to move to California AND go out on my own. I will be so broke and so homeless. Where would my clients come from?  Would I be financially stable?  Is this even possible???  But low and behold, it has always been my desire to move back to California since my short stint out in Los Angeles in 2007 clerking for a bankruptcy judge. I've always had an emotional and spiritual connection to California but never really knew why.  So okay, here's that whole God knows the desires of my heart thing...ok, ok.  And I know I've always wanted to be my own boss....let's face it.  I hate taking direction from other people...I'm sooooo insubordinate!  Most importantly, I love to serve people. I love being able to counsel people through their legal situations and have them look at me and say "Thank you."  This is my purpose and now God is saying, I've trained you up, you have 5 years of courtroom and legal practice under your belt...go forth and be great! So why am I afraid?

"The Lord IS my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear?  The Lord IS the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?" ~Psalm 27:1~

So imagine my surprise when I arrive at the Flourish Women's conference all confused, all shook up and seeing the sign above the stage saying "MOVE".  Of course me "the insubordinate one"...I'm thinking "Oh yeah, move as in move your bum and get down for Jesus!"  Cue the music!  No, for me...the one who kept asking for clarity and for God to speak, he spoke again by telling me to MOVE...of which now I will do at the end of next year. I will be headed to California, to the city of Angels. All of this so that I can LIVE (see below picture) in purpose and follow what God has put on my heart.

(Flourish Women's Conference 2013 at Covenant Church, Day 3 Photo Credit: Leah Frazier)
Alright, so I've made my decision to move and to open up my own law practice in California.  This morning as I did my devotional, I realized that over the past several years, God had been preparing me for this. I wrote down all the opportunities that I felt that I wasn't given however all of the things I had learned and wouldn't you know it...it was for me to do exactly what I am planning on doing.  I learned so many different areas of law this year and succeeded in helping people with their cases. Positions in the legal community that I felt I should have gotten, I didn't receive.  But now in hindsight I realize that I could not commit myself to another 2-3 years in Dallas because God was moving me on.  So during the times where I wasn't getting promoted or receiving leadership positions, it was all a part of his plan.  As I wrote down in my journal this morning: GOD HAS PREPARED ME FOR THIS MOMENT AND ALL DURING THAT TIME, I WASN'T EVEN AWARE.

Me, after church one lazy Sunday!
I found this picture that I had taken several months ago, but it comforts me because of the small halo above my head.  I feel like this is God shining down on me and letting me know...you were chosen for this, I am here with you and everything is going to be ok.  I've decided to blog and journal about this journey KNOWING that in the end I'm going to be victorious.  I'm going to be 100% transparent and tell you the pain, fears, joys and tears that I'm going to experience through this.  Are you ready? I am! LEGGO!



So here's the "keep calm" saying I created, just after thinking about all of this.  I'm going to put it on a shirt and a poster to remind myself of where my strength comes from and WHY I am making this drastic life changing decision.  By next September, I will be in California fulfilling the purpose, design and calling that God has on my life.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and he shall direct your paths." ~Proverbs 3:5-6~